I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
