For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
