I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
