then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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