new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
