Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
