i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
