In the future we'll all be gay
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
