I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
