OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
