and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When are your genitals available?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize