I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize