Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
