You're completely useless in the revolution.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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