I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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