i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
