woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
