i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
