so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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