I smell stomach acid.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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