Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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