Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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