so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
