It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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