You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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