The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
