so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
