i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
