Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
