I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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