Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
