I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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