dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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