I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
