By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
