The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You smell like stripper and shame
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
