I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
