her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
