he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
