Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
