im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize