The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
please don't ironically join a cult
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