you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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