I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
