would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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