So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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