I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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