I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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