He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
