"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
