she was so not down for the gang bang
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
