we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
