3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
