my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
