Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize