the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
