I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
