I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
