There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
