You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I believe in your delicious
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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