she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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