was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
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