dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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